


My name, or yours?

by FullmetalSunshine (Baekhanded)



Series: Royed OTPoly [9]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Ed Swears, First Meetings, Fluff and Humor, I hate tagging so much, M/M, and it's gonna be a double wedding, and they love each other, but its there, but this ones super under the radar, drachma au, ed is censored, fight me, kind of, married at first sight, surprise! it's nikko again, yall know who al's fiance is right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25971634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baekhanded/pseuds/FullmetalSunshine
Summary: Ed and Al are on that stupid new 'married at first sight' or whatever the hell it's called show....all because Al thought it'd be fun...and Ed was dumb enough to go along with it. More like Ed was dumb enough to lose a bet.Ed+Drachma+A new spouse=domestic bliss?
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Series: Royed OTPoly [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814119
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48
Collections: RoyEd OTPoly 2020





	My name, or yours?

**Author's Note:**

> Tis........a trainwreck.......
> 
> Enjoy!

He really should have known better than to allow Al to plan  _ anything  _ for him. He really should have known his precious, wonderful, diabolical little brother would have some weird trick up his sleeve. He really shouldn’t be surprised he was on a train, headed to who the fuck knows where Drachma, with a handful of other people, ready to go meet and marry a person all in one moment. 

  
  
That wasn’t to say they were all marrying  _ Drachmans.  _ Which, also isn’t something he’d be surprised about, just that they were all...honeymooning? In? Drachma? Which doesn’t sound pleasant at  _ all. _ Who the hell looked at some ‘married at first sight’ type flyer and thought it’d be a fun way to spend winter? 

Was this payback? Did Ed do something that meant he needed to watch his back?

Was Al secretly trying to kill him and claim some insurance he didn’t know he had?

Well it didn’t matter anymore anyways, he was already on a train, hell he was already in Drachma. He was on a Drachma train.

Well no not yet, but he  _ would be. _ Even worse there were cameras  _ everywhere _ and he wanted to scream.

He had to absolutely be on his best behavior. For the editors. That’s what Al told him, so they wouldn’t have to beep out every time he was on screen. Who the hell watched these kinds of shows anyways? Who wanted to get married? Who wanted to go to Drachma?

  
  
“Brother, your face is very telling.” At least he wasn’t alone.

He frowned even more, “Yeah? Well good, cause I’m not happy about this.”

  
  
Al simply smiled, sage like and all knowing, “I know, you really should have known better brother.”

  
  
“I was just thinking that,” He grumbled. His brother was just too good at getting to Ed’s stupid weak heart. Al knew he’d do damn near anything for that face, up to and including hopping on a train to his worst nightmare of a place, in the worst possible weather to marry a stranger for the entertainment of even  _ more  _ strangers.

How long until he’d get to get a divorce?

__

Turns out the train to Drachma, and the train  _ in  _ Drachma produced two very different feelings in him. The first was regret, the second is just pure misery. It was a rattling death trap and he was bundled beyond bundling but it didn’t matter, he was still freezing. Who the hell vacations here ever? Does it ever not snow?? If he squeezed out a tear would he freeze his eyeball?

There were just too many questions. They should stop filming and turn back and wait until there’s definitive answers. If the filming had to stop altogether for forever, well it wouldn’t be any skin off his teeth. Hell it’d probably give him  _ more  _ skin for his poor rattling teeth.

What would an automail jaw look like? Is that something you can do? Oh how miserable would that be in the cold…

C’mon Edward, you’re  _ way  _ off track in your thoughts there buddy. 

Right. The Train. Traveling to Drachma. Freezing his ass off. Making nice on a dumbass reality show.

Oh his stomach was dropping, in mere hours he was gonna be meeting his damn fiance. Or- fuck was it husband? How did this work? Would they really be married the moment they made eye contact? Shit fuck okay his nerves skyrocketed and so did the rocking of his heel. This was gonna be such a shitshow.

He could only hope there wouldn’t be a murder commited. Either from him or against him. He really hoped he wouldn’t get stuck with some dumb fuck...fuck that would be just his luck.

“Brother, please. Everything’s going to be alright.” Alphonse’s hand on his knee only stopped his physical jitters. 

“‘Course it will...I know that.” He didn’t sound convincing even to himself...how pathetic. 

The train started to rattle again, the wind whistling viciously as the brakes started to screech, the sound echoing through Edward’s brain and sounding almost like a death sentence. He wrapped his coat tighter around himself, feeling pathetic and small and frozen. There’s no way the poor sod of a new tv partner wasn’t going to notice he was limping, or that he was vertically challenged, or that he had the temper of a thousand suns. 

He stood with Al and allowed the other to hand him his suitcase, it was too high up and the stretch would hurt too badly. It was a week long trip out here (probably closer to two or three in actuality. It only had to look like a week and Ed knew the going rates here were amazing.) and he had packed pretty light. He and Al didn’t have much. He just hoped they didn’t freeze. 

Hell he might be willing to make this work just so he could have a human body to stay near. He and Al wrapped an arm around each other and braced against the wall of the train beside the doors, waiting as it continued to screech down the station-way. 

“Will I get to see you at all in the time we’re here..?” He had to ask, he was running out of time.

  
  
“I hope so...I don’t see why not! We should all be getting together to do group things..right? I think I remember that…” He didn’t look sure and Ed felt sick. Great.

“Yeah, that makes sense, so..I guess I’ll see you soon? Once we...disembark?” It was like losing a whole other limb but more painful. 

Al beamed and Ed was truly slayed. The sun had finally come to Drachma. 

And now Ed had to leave it behind, and watch it leave him. His heart left as his brother left his side and some sort of show attendant led him in another direction.

His mood plummeted, not to say it was the best  _ before _ , but now he was a storm cloud on an already cloudy day. He would do his best not to raise hell. 

And then he was introduced to his husband. He wanted to scream.

Was this a joke? Was he being punked? Was this all an elaborate prank? As the man smiled and held his hand out, probably introducing himself Ed jerked around trying to spot anything out of the ordinary. People...cameras...no Al snickering so...what the hell? What the  _ hell? _

“What the hell?” Ed finally turned his attention to the person before him, whose smile was now strained, his hand hovering between them uncertainly. 

  
  
“What..?” He asked, and Edward stared at him intensely.

He looked sharply to the attendant or whatever and ignored the cameras on him, “This is really him? You sure you got the right guy?” 

The attendant assured him that he was the guy, with all the right words and all the right tones, with all the right gestures and Ed couldn’t detect any deceit but...what the hell?

  
  
He turned to him again, he had finally dropped his hand and the smile was gone, he looked decidedly unimpressed but still pleasant. Clearly a mask to deal with the masses.

“What’d you say your name was?”

  
  
“Roy...Mustang…” oh this was going to be  _ so fun. _

Can you detect the sarcasm??

  
  
“Oh...It’s nice to meet you I guess...I’m Ed Elric, or..wait do I have your last name now? Or- No you can take mine!”

  
  
“Or we could hyphenate.” Now he was forming a kind of smarmy smirk and Ed wanted to hit him. 

He hated even more how it was a good idea, “Yeah- sure fine, hyphenate it. Elric-Mustang.”

  
  
“Or Mustang-Elric.”

  
  
Ed really was going to go to jail for murder. Al….don’t forget about your big brother while he freezes to death in a Drachma prison.

__

_ My first impression? He’s an  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _!! I mean, did you see his _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ stupid  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ face? He knows every _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ thing that’s gonna get on my nerves, and he’s  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ well gonna use them too, you can see it,  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ you can sense it! _ _   
_

_   
_ _ I think this is a match made in hell and if I end up dying here….or going to prison, I want the world to know I leave everything to my brother Alphonse Elric. It’s a lot of  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ i’m leaving you with but  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ it’ll be worth it for at least some money. You might even be able to buy a house! Who the _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ knows.  _

_ Yeah okay okay i’m done, i’ll start fuming if I have to think of that _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ anymore. _

_ __ _

The dumb bastard...was too smart for his own good. He was...dammit not even smart he was just- looks wise at least, he was everything Ed had accounted for, or just randomly listed off. He didn’t know shit about his personality aside from smarmy bastard but...damn...he was easy on the eyes. If only Ed cared more about looks.

At least his idea of a date wasn’t horrible, it all just depended on how much Ed’s body would cooperate and how much a pain in the ass Drachma was going to be. It was looking like a nice day, but Ed knew those could change in an instant. 

It was a little too bright and a little too early for his liking, the sun blinding as it bounced off the fresh blanket of snow, they had been led out to a little shack and were being fitted with snow shoes and Ed had to laugh. This was either going to be an amazing hike, or a disaster. He’s almost positive he’s just gonna fall through.

To the viewers it would look like any regular old getting to know each other date, but in reality it was so much more … stifling. He didn’t like being hounded by people and the cameras were always on his ass. Not literally but sometimes it felt like it.

“So, what do you do…” He had to pretend he was somewhat civilized right? These were questions people asked.

Roy’s stupid eyes glittered in the stupid winter wonderland around them, “Hopefully a governing official soon.”

  
  
Ed’s eyes narrowed, “Wait wait wait what the hell? No fucking way you’re that Roy Mustang! Why- what the hell!?” 

  
  
Roy only laughed and steadied Ed as he sunk into a pretty deep snowbank, “I’m the only Roy Mustang I know, so I think we’re one in the same.” 

“Why are you on this stupid fucking show? You’re-” well he wasn’t gonna get praise that easy, “not horrible to look at.”

  
  
Roy laughed and Ed wanted to gouge his ears out, “Honestly?” he leaned in and placed a hand to Ed’s chest to cover his mic, his own already covered, “Good publicity goes a long way, right? Besides I thought it might be kind of fun.”

  
  
“What the fuck does that mean?” Ed looked up at him quizzical as the other carefully uncovered their mic’s and gently brushed a strand of hair from Ed’s face.

“I think I was right.” 

Ed fell into the snow again, and he’s pretty sure he heard a telltale hiss when his face hit the snow.

He was  _ not _ blushing. 

__

_ Well, he’s smart I guess, right? He’s gotta be to get that high up in any kinda office. And I mean yeah, he’s nice to look at- real pretty even if that floats peoples boats. He’s stronger than he looks, but he doesn’t look weak. He’s...unexpected. I guess. I thought i’d hate ‘im on principal alone but, I kind of don’t.  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ don’t-  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ this is being broadcasted, Al’s definitely gonna see this,  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _!! _ _   
_

_   
_ _ I’m okay i’m okay, ugh there’s gonna be no living with him after this- NO! Not him! Al! My brother! I’ll be honest I don’t see any of this lasting for any of us. It’s like...a real elaborate blind date, except you don’t get to keep the embarrassment of it locked tight in a chest in your mind- you’re doing it so every soul that gives a  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ is gonna see it.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I guess it is fun...or it can be. I know no ones told me  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ about my brother, and it’s kinda  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ me off, but...I’ll probably not punch anyone… _

_ The real test? For Roy? Probably how he reacts to the automail. It’s not like i’m keeping it a secret, but it’s not something I flaunt either. I’m damn proud of it! If you need a mechanic, hit up Rockbell Automail in Resembool! You won’t regret it! Hey I’m allowed to do a shameless plug for my best friend, get off my  _ **_[REDACTED] ._ **

_ Anyway...yeah, when it happens it happens. How he reacts is...well how he reacts. If he’s a  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ then y’all can bet your  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ I’m not sticking around to deal with that. I’ll sleep in the  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ snow if I gotta till this  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ filming ended. _

_ If...he’s cool with it…? I….uh well….I guess we...get to know each other more...No I didn’t get that far...I don’t- No I don’t always go worst case scenario...I just- I’m practical. Life’s taught me a lot of  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ about people and...contrary to what my brother says...they can be  _ **_[REDACTED] [REDACTED]_ ** _ cruel… I don’t care if they are- not to me but...I’m here for Al in the end. I don’t want to...embarrass him… _

_ Yeah...cool thanks… _

_ __ _

That one rubbed a little raw…

__

The next date was Ed’s pick and he wanted to not sink into the snow, so sledding it was. But even better than regular sledding, dog sledding! He was petting every single dog he saw, and no one could stop him. He made sure to get there stupid early just so he could pet them all!

  
  
“A fan of dogs, huh?” Roy’s voice snuck up on him but Ed was in too good of a mood to snark at him, he just grinned and looked up at him.

“I’d be stupid not to. I’m a sucker for a cute face, what can I say?” That also included cats...but no one could know. Especially not Al. 

“Well it’s a good thing I’m cute~.” Roy grinned.

Ed laughed so hard he genuinely fell down, “Who the hell told you that!”

  
  
“I have it on good authority! My Aunt told me!”

  
  
“Ah! A face only family can love! It’s okay, I get it Mustang. I’ve got one too.”

  
  
“Oh please, Edward. Have you never seen yourself? You’re striking.” 

  
  
And...really he wasn’t expecting that as Roy was helping him back to his feet. He blinked dumbly up at him and Roy just...smiled and walked into the shed to insure their rentals were in order. 

Was...that some sort of joke?

He dumbly walked to his dogs and crouched down, getting some kisses for his consideration.

He...was going to have to think about that one. He stayed pensive almost the entire ride, at least until the weather turned, and they lost the camera crew, ending up in the middle of nowhere crushed together almost literally, struggling to get 16 dogs into an old cabin that had certainly seen better days.

This is not at all how Ed thought the day would go, but Drachma weather could turn on a dime, and Ed’s world had already been off its axis.

Why not end the day in a run down cabin in the middle of nowhere with his Husband and 16 dogs?

At least there were no camera crews.

__

“I...apologize if I’ve said something wrong.” It’s long since past dark. They had managed to light a fire and provide a meal, at least for the dogs. They had fresh water and would be alright come morning. Most of the dogs had fallen asleep and Ed had been quiet the entire time.

Roy’s voice brought him out of his silence and he looked up to him, “Huh?”

  
  
“You- back at the stall, we- I mean...You’ve been quiet.” Politicians didn’t get flustered.

Ed looked at his hands and sighed, “Its...were you joking? A lot of people say a lot of shit to me, and things like that- I don’t think I’ve heard it without some kinda joke behind it. I mean even if you’re serious now, you won’t be later.”

  
  
“You...have to be kidding right? Edward, you’re gorgeous.” 

And then it happened, Roy took his hand. His right hand. His metal hand.

But he didn’t flinch. He did blink though.

“Oh…” Ed tensed.

“Do you mind..?” He asked, and Ed jerkily shook his head ‘no’, even though he did. Roy slowly took his glove off and carefully turned the metal in his hand.

“This- this is why you said those things, isn’t it. You’re- Edward how can you even think this makes you less beautiful.” 

Ed grits his teeth and jerks his hand away, shoving it under his arm, making himself as small as possible, “Like I said, people say a lot of shit about me. I don’t actually give a damn, but I don’t wanna hear it from people I fucking respect okay? I dunno how the fuck you did it, but with all your yammering- I believe you. I believe you wanna make Amestris better, and I fucking believe you  _ will.  _ So just- whatever you’re gonna say about it keep it to yourself. I don’t wanna have to explain why only I survived the storm.”

  
  
Roy…

...well he laughed.

And that was shocking, to say the least. 

“What the fu-”

  
  
“You know, to be so smart, you’re a damn fool. Your whole body could be like this, and it wouldn’t change how beautiful you are. Even without your actual, genuinely striking looks- your heart shines through. You’re made of  _ gold  _ Edward. The way your face lights up when you talk about your brother- hell even when you  _ think  _ about him. This morning when you were with the dogs, or the way you get so passionate about topics you love- anything you love. You’re so much more than whatever caused this, or whatever’s underneath your clothes. Your brain alone- your brain and heart are so- I’ve never seen it in a person. Fiery passion...I just- You’re amazing.”

  
  
Edward….just stared, “You- what?”

  
  
Roy just sighed and carefully, cautiously held a hand out, waiting for Edward to take it. He did, and he allowed Roy to pull him into a hug.

  
  
“What i’m saying is, when this whole mess of a show is all said and done, would you like to go out on a real date, no cameras, no expectations. I genuinely like you. They gave me...quite a solid match, and I’d like to see where it goes.”

  
  
“I...yeah- yes...okay...if...you’re sure…”

  
  
“I’m positive.” 

__

The next morning the camera crew and local search and rescue found the two, they were more than happy to see they took such good care of the dogs. (Ed was pretty sure the dogs were the only reason he and Roy didn’t freeze all night, especially with the automail sucking up all the cold, the dog’s fur was the perfect insolation.) They were a little worse for wear themselves, but it wasn’t too big of a deal, nothing a day of resting couldn’t fix. 

And a visit from his little brother. Ed loved nothing more than seeing his precious sweet wonderful little brother turn into an avenging bat out of hell. The worry he saw on that sweet face that morphed into sweet sweet relief was better than any drug anyone could ever take, Ed knew that for a fact. He was a science person. He knew science.

Science said Al was the best. 

Ed and Roy spent the day together with just the room camera for company, both bundled up, the fireplace on in the room, playing various games and eventually falling asleep cuddled together. 

It’s almost funny how one night of survival really can bring a couple together. Who knows, maybe a real genuine relationship will bloom?

  
  
Ed knows he at least wants to find out where it’ll go. Roy’s so much more than he bargained for- so much more than he expected. 

Plus the other didn’t shrink away from Al’s speculative gaze or his x ray vision eyes. Ed knew Al could see into the man’s soul, and neither looked bothered by the transaction.

  
  
That counted for at least a valiant attempt.

__   
  
_ My type? Well...I’d prefer someone smaller than me, even just a little. Blonde hair would be nice, it doesn’t have to be natural. Smart- someone that can keep up, doesn’t mind a little bit of teasing. I don’t have a gender preference, I just want someone compatible. I’m planning on being my full true self and if it’s someone that gets easily annoyed by teasing or even flirting then...It wouldn’t be a good match. But all in all, so long as that’s met, I couldn’t care less what they look like, so long as they can keep up with me. _

_ \-- _

  
_ My type’s just-  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ i dunno...someone that doesn’t care that I curse or that I love my brother more than i’ll ever love them. Someone that’s got a brain and wont get offended when i call them out on their stupid  _ **_[REDACTED]._ ** _ Maybe with dark hair I dunno. I’ve never thought about this before...I don’t care, I just want an equal I guess, someone I can grow to love. The most important thing is they’re not a dumbass. That’s my only requirement- Oh, and they gotta have a  _ **_[REDACTED]._ **


End file.
